It’s hard not to derive some amusement from Daniel Khalife’s bizarre escapades

The bizarre affair of Daniel Khalife reminds me of a time that I went on an exercise in Bavaria with a Yeomanry  (Territorial) regiment then commanded by the late Duke of Westminster. In my case, ‘exercise’ must be qualified. I drove around with the padre in his jeep while we cheered on the soldiery, occasionally pausing for refreshment. But I was mightily impressed by the whole business. Gerald Westminster was an inspiring C.O. His battalion bristled with enthusiasm and morale. A General was watching the troops in action. He was a formidable, sardonic character who seemed unlikely to be a man who would be over-generous with compliments. I asked him how he rated Gerald’s men. “Very good” came the answer: “As good as regulars.”

There was one incident, amusing if one was a spectator, awkward for senior officers. A lad had pinched a jeep and set off for Paris. A Lancastrian, it seemed unlikely that he had ever before been further than Liverpool. As for speaking French – his English was not that extensive. But he had heard tell about the delights of Paris: his pals reported that he had still not taken part in his rite of passage. So he set off to put that right. 

I wonder what would have happened had he reached the capital. Could he have negotiated his way into a whorehouse and come to terms with the madame? Alas, it was not to be. He was captured on the Periperique, and handed over the British military authorities. No doubt the grenouilles subtly revelled in the rosbif’s embarrassment.

I enquired what would happen to him. Nothing, I was told, except that he would be sacked from the T.A. I protested. The boy had shown a bit of devil: just what you want in a young squaddie. I quoted Kipling: no place for plaster saints in barracks. Was he OK as a soldier? Yes, said authority, a keen youngster. But rules are rules.

Had he been a regular, he could have been sent to the Military Correction and Training Centre in Colchester. A couple of weeks in that exceedingly disagreeable environment would have been enough for Queen’s Regulations to make its point. That would have larned him. He could then have been returned to his unit who would have found legitimate outlets for his energy and initiative. A pity that the rules were so rigid; I hope that the fellow prospers.

The Khalife case is much more serious, though the facts have not yet been established. Was he a fantasist? Was he, indeed, a bit cracked? Or was he just a thoroughly irresponsible young scapegrace who has made a serious attempt to mess up his life and should now be prevented from doing so? Finally, was he actually a threat to national security?

If the latter is the case, there is an obvious question. How was this possible? How could a young private soldier been able to get his hands on highly secret material? A few tears ago, an American, Private Bradley Manning, leaked a vast amount of highly classified information, including the names of secret agents. Operations would have been compromised, and lives endangered, while America’s reputation would have suffered. The Manning affair was hardly going to encourage the residents of troublesome countries to collaborate with the US.

The Creature has now changed sex. It currently calls itself ‘Chelsea.’ I wonder what Chelsea Clinton thinks of that? She would probably take it as a compliment.

Originally, Manning was sentenced to 35 years. Ultra-liberals said that she should not have been imprisoned and President Obama eventually concurred, reducing her sentence to 7 years.

I agree with the liberals, she should not have been sent to jail. She should have been put to death.

When the Manning affair blew up, there was a certain amount of covert complacency in British security circles. We were assured the this could not have happened here. After private Khalife, let us hope that this is still true. 

Now that Khalife is back behind bars, it is hard not to derive some amusement from his escapades. At the risk of being patronising, I do not suppose that he has ever read the Odyssey. Indeed, he may not even have heard of it. But Odysseus – is he the most cunning character in all literature? – escapes from being eaten by Polyphemus by attaching himself to the underside of a ram.

Apropos Homer, the Wandsworth escape almost persuades one that Rishi Sunak has managed to antagonise some important Gods. It seems as if every day brings its own bad news. Crumbling schools, escaped prisoners, by-elections: one damned thing after another, while good economic data is kept well clear of the headlines. When, if ever, will the government’s luck change?

Yet think back to Saturday evening. (While doing so, let us avert our gaze from Scotland.) England is playing Argentina, and everyone has written off the English. Within a few minutes, Tom Curry is banished from the pitch. Do the Falkland Islands have a rugger XV? If so, at that stage, it seemed unlikely that England could even defeat it. Then everything changed. It still seems improbable that England will win the World Cup, but fortunes can change, in politics as in Rugby. Equally, I am not claiming that the PM is a second George Ford, but his morale is undented and he is still up for a fight. He will need to be – and anything that he could do to placate the Gods would come in useful.

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