Cameron’s dark secret revealed: “He cannot stand dogs”
Following the busiest period for news in London since the bursting of the South Sea Bubble in 1720, an eerie calm has settled over the capital. Journalists who have grown used in recent weeks to operating on the assumption that ten minutes is a long time in politics, and who risk missing something important if they sprint to the canteen to pick up a sandwich, are emerging from the biggest British story in decades blinking into the daylight.
Such has been the public hunger for news and analysis about the assorted shenanigans since referendum day that web traffic on politics sites has surged. We launched Reaction as a new political commentary site just four weeks ago. Of course the timing was deliberate. Of course we knew all this excitement was going to happen, even if we did not predict it. Of course.
Now, even though the appointment of a new Prime Minister is interesting and Brexit will come roaring back, we’re once again in more normal territory, speculating about a cabinet reshuffle. Who do you fancy for DCMS? Who is going places? I hear Patsy Jacket has been doing some great work at the Department of Energy Change. Look out for Clive Normal at Transport too. Theresa May is a big fan of his work on fully organic cycle-lanes.
And then what? Once we get the spectacle of tomorrow and Cameron’s farewell out the way, and the cabinet is appointed, and Theresa May puts up a sign saying “Brexit Unit at work, nothing to see here, planning in progress,” the holidays will happen. This is good news for everyone involved. A lot of people need a holiday, and that includes the citizens of the country who have had to watch the bizarre spectacle of recent weeks.
But as the Camerons pack up at Downing Street, there are a few loose ends. Apparently the most remarkable news of today is that the Camerons are leaving behind Larry the Cat when they depart Number 10 tomorrow. James Kirkup of the Telegraph had more on this theoretically shocking news in a piece today. Cameron never liked Larry, he claims. Larry the Cat was cynically bought for show and is a Number 10 government cat rather than a proper Cameron family cat. That being the case, Larry, as a typical cat, will not care when the Camerons leave, as long as the staff carry on feeding him.
Anyway, added James, David Cameron is obviously more of a dog person anyway. He is a labrador man, surely.
On the contrary, I can reveal – I think – that this is simply not true.
A couple of years ago I wrote something fictional, which is unpublished mercifully, in which Cameron was a leading character. A central running joke was Cameron’s wistful desire to get a pet dog in semi-retirement and to take him to the pub in the next village. One problem with the premise, said a good friend of Cameron’s when I told him:
“David,” he said gravely, “loves the country but he cannot stand dogs.”
David… cannot… stand… dogs. Let that sink in for a moment. A man, a Tory man, has been Prime Minister of the UK for six years and for eleven years leader of the Conservative party – the main party for British dog people – and he doesn’t like dogs? This is a dark secret that could have done for him at any point in the last decade if it had become public. Yet with nerves of steel Cameron avoided giving himself away at any point. You have to admire his calmness under pressure.
But is it definitely true? I decided, with a quiet half an hour to kill today, to seek confirmation. I got the following responses.
An old friend of Cameron’s had this to say: “Neutral. I wouldn’t say he can’t stand dogs as in oh no there’s a dog I hate dogs. They’re just there and he doesn’t make a fuss.”
An MP who has known Cameron for a long time texted: “I don’t know. Bit more on my mind to be frank. I have never heard him express any view on dogs.”
The final word goes to friend of the Cameron family: “Dave will not get a dog. Not a dog person AT ALL.”
Make of this what you will.