PMQs: Stupid woman Christmas panto special edition

“Oh no he didn’t!”

“Oh yes he did!”

Jeremy Corbyn found himself in a pickle today after appearing to mutter “stupid woman” under his breath in response to one of Theresa May’s poor gags at PMQs today.

The Labour leader’s spokesman said: “He did not call her a stupid woman so there’s no basis for an apology. He said stupid people.” So in addition to the first comment, Corbyn’s official spokesman now also is seemingly implying we are all visually impaired.

Cue a febrile slanging match, with chants from the Tory benches calling for Corbyn to apologise, speaker John Bercow finding himself in hot water, Bercow then fully losing control of the Commons, and a deeply embarrassing (for Parliament) hour-long debate this afternoon (longer than PMQs itself) about whether Corbyn did, in fact, call Theresa May a stupid woman. Pantomime, theatrics, chaos, farce. It really captured the spirit of 2018.

“I saw it sir, I saw him say it!” James Cleverly (rising star on the amateur theatre scene) told Bercow.

“I am simply saying I didn’t witness it,” the Dame replied.

Andrea Leadsom had the best punchline though. Directly addressing the speaker, she said: “Why is it that when an opposition member found that you called me a stupid woman you did not apologise.”

It was an electrifying moment.

“No, no, no!” Bercow bellowed.

Corbyn meanwhile had already snuck off the stage much like the suspicious panto villain, but lacking a proper moustache to twirl.

Fittingly, Theresa May had actually kicked off the whole sorry affair at PMQs by wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. But the Christmas cheer faded pretty fast. “My Christmas good wishes do extend to everyone over there, however until then I just have to say this: The PM has plunged this country into a national crisis,” Corbyn said. The actual substance of their exchange illustrated what bleak viewing they make as performers.

May: We will have a meaningful vote! It will be in January. It will be meaningful.

Corbyn: Give us a meaningful vote!

May: Yes we will, it will be in January!

Corbyn: When will this meaningful vote be?

May: January!

Corbyn: Stupid woman.

The resulting meltdown in the Commons illustrated the terrible toll endless Brexit fighting has taken on MPs. It has driven some of them bonkers. Some of the leading actors are visibly exhausted. They need a rest. Others need firing and replacing with better actors. This will be a theme next year.

But PMQs is over for 2018. Thank goodness for that. Everyone go and lie down.